22-06-07 - Tuesday I - Johnson Survives

This is not turning out as well as I'd hoped. I had loads of time last night when I could have written a blog entry, but instead I was watching TV because Boris Johnson (our Prime minister) was facing a vote of no confidence. It was a foregone conclusion that he would survive it, but the question was: by what margin? As it was 148 of his own MPs voted against him but that wasn't enough 2DS thrown him. It was an interesting evening of TV but I should have taken the time to write my daily 200 words.

Love Island started last night though, so that's a good thing and that should give me about 90 minutes each night in which I can compose my thoughts and update my blog. We've got eight weeks of that insufferable tosh to watch, so I might do something useful like push on with that coding course I was doing - it'd be good to have something productive to show for the next two months.

We also booked our hire car for our French holiday last night, we're going for a week to a villa in the South of France in July which hopefully will be lovely and relaxing and hot - we'll see... 

TTFN.

22-06-03 - Friday I - Sunny Afternoons

Well, that was a good start, wasn't it? I didn't get to write yesterday because we were at Level 1, enjoying the sunshine and a few beers. It was a glorious day, and it was lovely that it was a bank holiday. I don't know quite what is going on, I think the last few bank holidays we've had have been full of good weather; maybe it's global warming? Anyway, TW went out for a bike ride with Ty and when she got back we went out en famille and had a few bar snacks while we drank. We couldn't quite decide where to eat; we had kind of agreed on going to Woods Burger Kitchen, but when we got there the place was closed! 

We did go to Macmillans for a pint on the way home, and then when we got home we ordered kebabs from Worthing Kebab House. I had a falafel wrap and some fries, which was nice. I probably overdid it on the beers, I was feeling a little fragile today. I am trying to get back into staying dry and building up a yellow streak in my Try Dry app, but I am not being very successful. Still, there's time... 

Today we're off to see some friends who are having a Platinum Jubilee party, we are expecting crustless cucumber sandwiches and scones, and then there are a couple of street parties on Sunday, which will keep us busy. So lots to do before getting back to work on Monday. 

TTFN. 

22-06-01 - Wednesday I - 200 Words

So it's been a while. I always write that, because I don't update this blog as often as I'd like. So I thought, what with it being a new month, that I'd set myself a challenge; I'd write just, or at least, 200 words a day to briefly capture how I'm feeling, if nothing else.

We're currently watching Stranger Things series 4, which is beginning to gather in pace. The first two episodes were a bit slow to be honest, but the two episodes we watched tonight were good. I would've watched the next one but it's already 23:30 and it's past my bedtime. 

We're in a long weekend now, due to the Queen's jubilee. We've got both Thursday and Friday off - bargain! And we might get a couple of days off later in the year if she pops her clogs...

TW is going for a bike ride tomorrow and I've got a trip to the dump scheduled, despite the fact that it's a bank holiday. I think it's going to rain, but I'm not sure. We'll find out, I guess. I should probably go and see Mum too, apparently she's been in Arundel today, so hopefully she's enjoyed that. We've got a couple of parties to go to, and friends to see on Saturday too, if we can get organised. Hopefully it'll be good weather and we can have a few hours down at Level One. I'd enjoy that.

TTFN.

22-05-08 - Sunday I - Grumpy Old Man

I was driving over to see my Mum this morning and had to switch the car radio away from Radio 2. Not only was it Steve Wright, who was last "a thing" when I was doing my A levels, but the Sunday theme is "Sunday love songs", which to me is an overly-sentimental, cloying programme. The songs are okay, but I cannot stand the inbetween banter and dedications. 

Anyway, that explains why I was listening to Radio 1, at my age. The BBC have something for everyone, I believe, and if Radio 2 is a bit nausea-inducing for a few minutes, Radio 1 is often sufficient. 

But this morning, it wasn't. The DJ had introduced the topic of "funny shop names" and while there are some funny shop names, the ones he was reading out weren't particularly ground-breaking. The conversation was a bit vacuous, but at least it is normally broken up with a decent track or two. On this occasion, unfortunately, the DJ warned: "coming up after [x], Fontaines DC..." Well, that was enough for me, unfortunately. I switched the radio off. Fontaines DC are pretty good, I reckon, but at the moment they are suffering a bit from over-exposure, and it seems that they are being played on every show. 

So I drove to Mum's in relaxed silence, and appreciated the lack of meaningless chat and/or songs that I don't particularly like droning away. It's got to the point these days that silence is a weird unexpected thing, that we don't quite know how to deal with. But as a break from the non-stop stream of verbal nonsense and meaningless pop that pumps out of most radio stations, silence can be a refreshing and invigorating change. 

Anyway, as I turned the radio off, I thought to myself, "ha! You really are turning into a grumpy old man". 

TTFN.

22-04-07 - Thursday I - So Here It Is, Merry Covid

Finally I caught it. After two years of squirreling myself away, staying at home and away from crowded public places, I caught covid, and it was probably from our housewarming party. 

To be honest it wasn't much more than a heavy cold. But I have had both my jabs and a booster, so I am as vaccinated as I can currently be. I thought I had it, and stayed at home (didn't go in to the office) on the Tuesday, but I was testing negative. Then on Thursday afternoon I had a PCR test and the results of that, which I received on the Friday, confirmed that yes, I was indeed covid positive. I worked from home throughout, apart from on the Friday afternoon, but I did feel like crap for most of the week. Thank God for the vaccines though; I think I escaped relatively lightly. TW was bedbound for a few days, although she used that time to catch up on MAFSA. That was lucky, because it meant I didn't have to watch it...

I have felt a bit rough this week, which may be a hangover from covid. Other people have mentioned the same, that they thought they were better but then had a relapse. Or it could just be that I am sleeping really badly and so I am suffering during the days....? I guess we'll never know. 

TTFN. 

22-02-14 - Monday I - Moving House

So, we moved house, which is a thing that happened. On Friday morning we woke up in one house in Worthing and on Friday night we slept in a different house in Worthing. We haven't moved very far, obviously, but the new old house we're living in is a lot bigger than our previous house.

We weren't looking to move, as it happens; we quite liked the house we were living in and the road we lived on. We were surrounded by friendly neighbours who became friends more than neighbours. But TW spotted our new house while she was drunkenly surfing rightmove one night, and she started a chain of events which ended up with us living on the other side of Worthing. 

We had our house packed up by Perfect Group, who were really good. They wrapped everything fragile in paper and it took me about half an hour to unwrap all our shot glasses. I'll be glad if I never see one of those effers again! (The shot glasses, that is.) I'd have to recommend Perfect Group, they took out all the hassle of packing. TW had put in a lot of preparation, but it was funny/odd to unwrap the occasional item, such as an eggcup full of salt...

We used AVRillo to do our conveyancing, and again, they really were very good. They had a brilliant dashboard where we could see how both our sale and our purchase were progressing, and they kept us informed as we hit the various key points in the process. They also sent us a celebratory hamper once we had moved in to our new house, which was very much appreciated!

And the final party we relied on was the estate agent, Jacobs Steel. TW managed the relationship with them, but they liaised between the buyers and sellers and kept us all informed of what was going on. I was hoping to move on the 4th Feb, but they let us know in the nicest way that there were still a number of things which needed to happen, and it was unlikely. As it was, it only took four and a half months, but it does seem that it was a longer process. 

Anyway, it's been three and a half days, and the place already feels like home. That's down to TW unpacking everything like a whirling dervish and committing a lot of energy to making the place homely. She's already been painting today, to get the place *precisely* to her liking... If it had been down to me, it would probably have taken four weeks at least to unpack and sort everything. We've not met the neighbours yet, but hopefully they're soon to be friends. 

TTFN. 

22-01-28 - Friday I - Bess Atwell @ Patterns, Brighton (Thursday 27th Jan)

So last night I actually went "out out", into Brighton, to see a band! I'd heard Bess Atwell on Radio 6, and I have even added a couple of her songs to playlists on Spotify. I shared her song, Co-Op, with some friends on WhatsApp and one of them let me know that she was playing in Brighton. I looked into it and tickets were only £12, so I thought it was worth buying a ticket. 

This was my first time out in several months; I did go up to London to see PWEI last October, but then Omicron took over and I didn't see Cud at The Garage on Dec 4th or PWEI at Chalk in Brighton on Dec 11th. I took the train, wearing my mask, and feeling a bit trepidatious... 

I went straight to the venue and handed my coat in at the cloakroom. I wandered in to the main room and ordered myself a bottle of Brooklyn Lager Special Effects. I was debating whether to have an actual beer, but Special Effects is one of my favourite non-alcoholic beers, so I was happy drinking that. 

There were two support bands, Growing Boi and Almahata. They were on early, which suited me, and Bess herself was due to take to the stage at 9pm. They were both good acts, very much singer-songwriters, and Growing Boi had a great voice I thought, if the guitar playing was a bit dodgy. He then went on to support Almahata and Bess, so he must be a very accomplished musician. Almahata (which is actually a female solo act called Phoebe) was good too, and she had one particular song, What if Now We All Change, which I really liked. 

The two support bands were downtempo, acoustic (ish) and what I'd expect to see as support for an act like Bess Atwell. Bess herself came on at 9pm with a non-alcoholic beer and a camomile tea, which gives you some indication I suppose of her target audience. Patchouli incense sticks and ethically-crafted sandals didn't feel like they were too far away. The audience were enraptured. Although Bess and Chris were using microphones and amps, her songs are very intimate and there was a silence that took over the venue while she was singing. In between songs there were a lot of calls of "we love you, Bess!" and "Marry me!" She played the Co-Op song early on in her set, and there weren't any other songs which I was holding out for; there weren't many others that I knew, although I did enjoy Cherry Baby and Time Comes in Roses. 

It got to just after half past nine and thoughts started turning to bedtime. I'm such a middle-aged man. I knew that it would take me a while to get home, and while the music was great it wasn't energising and there weren't any specific songs I was waiting to hear Bess sing live. So I waited for a song to finish, and then I collected my coat and headed off to the station. 

It was a good enjoyable night, but it wasn't particularly what I was looking for last night. Maybe it was the first time for a while that I'd been in a busy venue, but I also think I've got quite a lot of other things going on, being Mum mostly but there is other stuff I'm worrying about too. I appreciated the performances, but I was glad to be heading home and I was pleased when I managed to get to bed at a comparatively reasonable time. I think I'd be happy to go and see any of these acts again, but I'd need to be in the right frame of mind to properly enjoy the experience. 

TTFN. 

22-01-20 - Thursday I - What To Do?

Well, this is weird. I'm now back at home and a professional carer is looking after Mum. Last time Mum had a carer, which was late August last year, the carer only lasted two or three days, so I am sitting here half expecting a phone call informing me that the situation is not sustainable and that the carer is leaving. In addition, for the last five months my primary concern has been Mum and her welfare, and it's a novel sensation  to sit here and realise that Mum doesn't have to be the first thing I think about any more. I can read a book, or browse Private Eye and not be distracted by worrying what Mum is up to or whether she is bored. 

The thing is, I'm not sure yet what I want to do. There are a number of back issues of PE that I need to catch up on, as well as a number of podcasts that I've neglected. I've been out for my first run of the year. I will probably take the dog for a walk later this afternoon. And I'd like to keep the house tidy, to an extent. I will also look to go to back to work earlier than expected - I had targeted April 1st, but I don't think I need that much time. It will be good to have *some time* to decompress and get used to life as it was and should be, but I won't need two and a half months, I think. Although we are planning to move house soon, so some time to manage / help out with that will be useful. 

If the carer works out she'll be staying with Mum for twelve weeks, which would take us up to 11th April or so. I am hoping that by then my staying here and Mum being looked after elsewhere will seem normal; I guess we'll have to wait and see how it goes. 

TTFN. 

22-01-05 - Wednesday I - A Glimmer

So today we had a call, one of the agencies we've been working with has a candidate to care for Mum. They say she's good, they've worked with her before, and they think she'd be a good fit for Mum. 

Sounds promising, and she can start soon as well. That might mean - well, it does mean - that respite care in a residential home is off the table, at least for the foreseeable. The carer can stay for 12 weeks, apparently, which is a good chunk of time and will hopefully allow Mum to get used to her. We'll see how that goes, as she will hopefully start in ten days or so...

TTFN.

22-01-04 - Tuesday I - Respite Care is Off

Today we received the unwelcome news that more people in the care home we wanted Mum to go to have tested positive for covid, and so Mum won't be going there any time soon. I'm a bit worried about what might happen at the weekend, but we have a couple of friends who may be able to help, so all is not lost.

 

It may be worth looking at other homes, and as TW pointed out, they are likely to be smaller, more independent operations and it may be quicker to get Mum placed. Especially if they are set up to offer respite. We'll have to see how that goes. Just when I thought we were beginning to see the wood for the trees...

TTFN. 

2022-01-03 - Monday I - Back to Mum's

So, that's the festive season over and the New Year well and truly seen in. Now the humdrum returns, and it's back to Mum's to make sure that she's okay. She was quite teary when I arrived; I think she's beginning to feel loss but doesn't quite know why. 

I brought her to my house for a while, to see TW and the girls, and to have a cuppa. Then we went to the big Tesco to shop, that takes an extra bit of time. And then home with some bulging bags. She spoke to a friend on the phone and then another called later, and that seemed to lift her spirits. 

We did have an argument about her elevating her foot (it's still swollen from the bunion operation), but that had seemed fade into inconsequence later in the evening.

Then it was Coronation Street and time for bed, and day one back at the ranch was done...

TTFN.

2022-01-02 - Sunday I - Slowly Does It

Yesterday we visited Level 1 and had a few drinks there and at the Rose and Crown. It was a nice afternoon and evening, but I should have stopped drinking earlier than I did and I am suffering now. I don't regret it, but I do wonder if it was worth it. I won't have a drink now for a while - that'll help to build up a nice run of yellow tea symbols on my Try Dry app. 

It's nice to drink for a change, but I don't want to go back to drinking as much as I used to - that was pointless. It's a way of relaxing that I haven't quite managed to replicate without drinking. A friend once said that a drinking session was like setting a mental "out of office" message, or absolving yourself of responsibility for a few hours, and I think he was right. If there was a way to achieve the same thing without drinking, I'd seriously consider whatever that was... Anyway, that's it for this morning. 

TTFN. 

22-01-01 - Saturday I - Happy New Year

My #newyearsresolution, as every year, is to blog more often. I was thinking that brief and dull might be the order of the day (order of the year?).

I saw the New Year in sober, which was nice. Hopefully more of that on the cards in 2022. And less time spent at Mum's - that'd be good. 

Anyway, just a short one to start with. 

TTFN. 

21-12-08 - Wednesday I - Dementia Diaries VIII - Grivvy

Today's Word of the Day (WotD) is "grivvy". I've got no idea either. We were out for a walk for the first time in Mum's post-op shoes, walking quite slowly, and she said "this is grivvy". We didn't walk very far, but I don't think it had negative connotations. It was nice to get out in the fresh air.

TTFN.

21-11-25 - Thursday I - Dementia Diaries VII - Repetitive Treasure Hunts

It's getting to the point now where Mum keeps forgetting where she has put stuff. I think she used to do this, but now she is doing it more regularly. Yesterday she realised that she had mislaid her wallet, so we turned the house upside down trying to find it. We looked in all the usual places with no luck, and I started again. When looking in one particular spot which I had already visited once, I noticed that there was what looked like a pad of tissues. When I looked more closely, it turned out that it was her wallet, but wrapped up in tissue paper. So I gave it to her, and she was very grateful.

Then, less than an hour later, she again claimed that she had mislaid her wallet again. Having briefly looked around me, I headed back to where I found it the first time and guess what? There it was, in precisely the same spot as when I'd found it fifty minutes earlier. 

I know that it is the dementia, but it is becoming harder and harder to continue to be patient and I should accelerate our search for a long-term solution...

TTFN. 

21-10-19 - Tuesday I - Dementia Diaries VI - Capabillity

When I first went to stay with Mum there were a few things that she couldn't do, like use the key in the front door, and put up the washing line in the garden. I did assume that she had lost the ability to do those things, but it seems that she has regained the ability to do those things.

Someone did suggest that maybe what with Dad being ill in hospital she was anxious and that was affecting her ability to perform what seemed to me to be straightforward, repeatable and well-known, almost daily tasks. I was profoundly surprised then, when she seemed to regain the ability to perform some of those tasks. I had assumed that Mum's deterioration would be linear and one-way, but it seems that that is not the case. 

I do think that her reasoning and speech has deteriorated since I've started looking after her. I don't think that I am the cause of that deterioriation, though! She has started calling me "Jim", which was my Dad's name, and she always asks when I'm coming back if I head off somewhere while someone else is is with her. So I think I am her safe space. Any way, when I first started looking after her I was trying to arrange a live-in carer for her and I told someone that she had dementia. Later, she said "what was that word you used?", and she said that she wasn't happy with me using that word. I'm not sure she could have that conversation now, even only two or three months later.

Luckily, though, I am quite "laissez-faire" (some might say "lazy") by nature, so I don't think I'm taking away responsibility from Mum. I will normally only intervene if she's getting confused with whatever she's doing. Maybe I could step in earlier, but I think if it's something that she could normally do, I should leave it to her for as long as possible. And there are times when she can do things, and there are times when she can't. So it's worth letting her get on with things so that she doesn't feel infantilised. At least, that's what I tell myself... 

TTFN. 

21-10-13 - Wednesday II - Dementia Diaries VI - Sign Your Name

Last Friday I took Mum to a local private hospital for an assessment of her foot. She has a hammer toe, which is one of the few things she is concerned about these days. I don't think the toe in itself causes her any pain, but because it is raised up she has a callous on her toe knuckle which does rub and cause her pain when she walks - and she is still very active. 

Anyway, at the hospital there were a number of forms she needed to complete, which I helped her with. She did need to sign her name though. I had noticed that her handwriting has changed over the last few months and is certainly a lot less cursive than it used to be. In fact, writing and words have taken on an almost mystical meaning; she reads aloud virtually every sign she sees, as if to prove that she can read, or in an attempt to extract the essential meaning of the words? 

Well, it seems that Mum has forgotten how to spell her name, which is a sad development. I had to spell out her surname letter by letter, so that she could write it on the forms which she needed to complete. It's another stage in the development of her disease, I suppose, which has become evident / is unavoidable. She didn't seem to be worried or embarrassed by this event though; I don't know how aware she is, if at all, 

21-10-13 - Wednesday I - Dementia Diaries V - baking saffron bread

So, Mum used to like cooking and baking. And fortunately it's one of the things she still likes to do. She has decided that knitting and playing bridge are things that she "used to do", she doesn't do them any more. That's a bit of a shame, because they would be a good use of time.

Anyway, baking is still one thing that Mum likes to do. Unfortunately, when we do cook together we normally come very close to arguing because Mum gets bored following the instructions, and if anything I am a stickler for the instructions - I rely on them, because I've never felt comfortable "freewheeling" in a kitchen. 

Last Monday she decided that she wanted to make saffron bread, following a Paul Hollywood recipe. The trouble became evident when she decided not to let the dough rise (that's when you leave it for two hours so that it rises as the yeast gets to work), nor did she want to let it prove, which was another two hours.

So basically she made a dough mixture and put it in the oven. I had no idea how long it should take to cook, nor do I know how to identify when it's cooked; all the instructions I read advised to let the dough rise.  

I did explain that she should follow the instructions and if she chose not to follow the instructions that might not be the best option, but her attention span just isn't there. She has no patience or understanding of time. I've probably mentioned before, but if it isn't happening "now", in front of her eyes, it's not important (the one exception, I think, was that my uncle seemed to be terminally ill in Ireland, and she was aware of that).

I wasn't looking forward to sampling this unleavened saffron cake, and my suspicions were confirmed. It was cooked on the outside but still raw dough on the inside, and it weighed a ton. She did suggest giving it to one of our neighbours, but I told her she couldn't do that as it wasn't cooked. Eventually she threw it in the bin. 

Lesson learned, I suppose; stick to simple recipes like hummimgbird cake and victoria sponges; recipes / cakes where you can throw everything in the bowl and marvel at how it all comes together in the oven. Certainly don't entertain any recipes where any degree of patience is required. 

TTFN.

21-09-28 Tuesday I - Dementia Diaries IV

 So, last week we had fun. Mum was very concerned about some theatre tickets which were for a date in 2020, which had obviously passed. The date had been rearranged for 2021, but that date had also passed as well. She kept bringing up these tickets, and so eventually I phoned the box office and clarified that the event had been postponed *again* until July 2022. I did hope that would be the end of it, but no...

Later, she advised that she didn't actually want to go, which was actually a sensible decision in light of Dad's passing, and so I rang for a refund. Absolutely no problem, the nice lady at the box office said, I can refund the purchase to the card you used to pay. This was the Monday, I think. So I told Mum, there was no need for concern, the refund had been made, and it would be on the card. I did think that would be the end of it, but no...

Mum brought up the issue of the tickets again a couple of times, and it took me a while to figure out that as far as she was concerned, the matter wasn't closed because she didn't have the cash in her hand. I explained that the refund had been made to the card, and that she basically had free money on the credit card, in the expectation that the explanation would be sufficient. Unfortunately, it wasn't. 

To cut an even longer story slightly shorter, I ended up, on Tuesday afternoon, walking up to the shops to take £71.50 out of the cash machine so that I could give Mum the hard cash she was expecting. 

The irony was that she hadn't paid for the tickets in the first place; she may have used the credit card to buy them, but Dad had then paid the monthly bill, and so she had never been out of pocket. But she was dreadfully concerned about the refunded cash, and I've not heard it mentioned again at all in the week since I gave her the £71.50. So it seems that was an end to it. Mum doesn't use cards now, she only deals in cash, so if I had thought about it for even a fraction of a second I would have seen that giving her the cash was the best and only solution. Every day is a school day, isn't that what they say? And next time I'll know what the answer is before I'm harrassed about it ten times a day and nearly driven to a breakdown...

TTFN.

21-09-20 - Monday I - Dementia Diaries III

Well, that was an interesting day. I think Mum went on strike, although I'm not quite certain. She was mithering about who was going to wash the sheets, so I took them down and put them in the washing machine, and when the cycle finished I was on the phone. She was bustling about, huffing about gettting the sheets hung out to dry. Well, I wasn't going to hang up on a fairly important call to hang sheets out, but once I had finished I went out to the garden. Mum was then nowhere to be seen...? 

I don't begrudge hanging the washing out; I find it weird though that she would think that takes priority over an ongoing phonecall but she's not prepared to actually hang out the sheets herself. The intricacies of the mind are a wonderful thing, but Mum was hardly predictable before her dementia diagnosis... And then she paid for tea and cake out later this afternoon, so I thought that I was back in her good books. As I say, an interesting day...

TTFN.