21-10-19 - Tuesday I - Dementia Diaries VI - Capabillity

When I first went to stay with Mum there were a few things that she couldn't do, like use the key in the front door, and put up the washing line in the garden. I did assume that she had lost the ability to do those things, but it seems that she has regained the ability to do those things.

Someone did suggest that maybe what with Dad being ill in hospital she was anxious and that was affecting her ability to perform what seemed to me to be straightforward, repeatable and well-known, almost daily tasks. I was profoundly surprised then, when she seemed to regain the ability to perform some of those tasks. I had assumed that Mum's deterioration would be linear and one-way, but it seems that that is not the case. 

I do think that her reasoning and speech has deteriorated since I've started looking after her. I don't think that I am the cause of that deterioriation, though! She has started calling me "Jim", which was my Dad's name, and she always asks when I'm coming back if I head off somewhere while someone else is is with her. So I think I am her safe space. Any way, when I first started looking after her I was trying to arrange a live-in carer for her and I told someone that she had dementia. Later, she said "what was that word you used?", and she said that she wasn't happy with me using that word. I'm not sure she could have that conversation now, even only two or three months later.

Luckily, though, I am quite "laissez-faire" (some might say "lazy") by nature, so I don't think I'm taking away responsibility from Mum. I will normally only intervene if she's getting confused with whatever she's doing. Maybe I could step in earlier, but I think if it's something that she could normally do, I should leave it to her for as long as possible. And there are times when she can do things, and there are times when she can't. So it's worth letting her get on with things so that she doesn't feel infantilised. At least, that's what I tell myself... 

TTFN.