21-10-19 - Tuesday I - Dementia Diaries VI - Capabillity

When I first went to stay with Mum there were a few things that she couldn't do, like use the key in the front door, and put up the washing line in the garden. I did assume that she had lost the ability to do those things, but it seems that she has regained the ability to do those things.

Someone did suggest that maybe what with Dad being ill in hospital she was anxious and that was affecting her ability to perform what seemed to me to be straightforward, repeatable and well-known, almost daily tasks. I was profoundly surprised then, when she seemed to regain the ability to perform some of those tasks. I had assumed that Mum's deterioration would be linear and one-way, but it seems that that is not the case. 

I do think that her reasoning and speech has deteriorated since I've started looking after her. I don't think that I am the cause of that deterioriation, though! She has started calling me "Jim", which was my Dad's name, and she always asks when I'm coming back if I head off somewhere while someone else is is with her. So I think I am her safe space. Any way, when I first started looking after her I was trying to arrange a live-in carer for her and I told someone that she had dementia. Later, she said "what was that word you used?", and she said that she wasn't happy with me using that word. I'm not sure she could have that conversation now, even only two or three months later.

Luckily, though, I am quite "laissez-faire" (some might say "lazy") by nature, so I don't think I'm taking away responsibility from Mum. I will normally only intervene if she's getting confused with whatever she's doing. Maybe I could step in earlier, but I think if it's something that she could normally do, I should leave it to her for as long as possible. And there are times when she can do things, and there are times when she can't. So it's worth letting her get on with things so that she doesn't feel infantilised. At least, that's what I tell myself... 

TTFN. 

21-10-13 - Wednesday II - Dementia Diaries VI - Sign Your Name

Last Friday I took Mum to a local private hospital for an assessment of her foot. She has a hammer toe, which is one of the few things she is concerned about these days. I don't think the toe in itself causes her any pain, but because it is raised up she has a callous on her toe knuckle which does rub and cause her pain when she walks - and she is still very active. 

Anyway, at the hospital there were a number of forms she needed to complete, which I helped her with. She did need to sign her name though. I had noticed that her handwriting has changed over the last few months and is certainly a lot less cursive than it used to be. In fact, writing and words have taken on an almost mystical meaning; she reads aloud virtually every sign she sees, as if to prove that she can read, or in an attempt to extract the essential meaning of the words? 

Well, it seems that Mum has forgotten how to spell her name, which is a sad development. I had to spell out her surname letter by letter, so that she could write it on the forms which she needed to complete. It's another stage in the development of her disease, I suppose, which has become evident / is unavoidable. She didn't seem to be worried or embarrassed by this event though; I don't know how aware she is, if at all, 

21-10-13 - Wednesday I - Dementia Diaries V - baking saffron bread

So, Mum used to like cooking and baking. And fortunately it's one of the things she still likes to do. She has decided that knitting and playing bridge are things that she "used to do", she doesn't do them any more. That's a bit of a shame, because they would be a good use of time.

Anyway, baking is still one thing that Mum likes to do. Unfortunately, when we do cook together we normally come very close to arguing because Mum gets bored following the instructions, and if anything I am a stickler for the instructions - I rely on them, because I've never felt comfortable "freewheeling" in a kitchen. 

Last Monday she decided that she wanted to make saffron bread, following a Paul Hollywood recipe. The trouble became evident when she decided not to let the dough rise (that's when you leave it for two hours so that it rises as the yeast gets to work), nor did she want to let it prove, which was another two hours.

So basically she made a dough mixture and put it in the oven. I had no idea how long it should take to cook, nor do I know how to identify when it's cooked; all the instructions I read advised to let the dough rise.  

I did explain that she should follow the instructions and if she chose not to follow the instructions that might not be the best option, but her attention span just isn't there. She has no patience or understanding of time. I've probably mentioned before, but if it isn't happening "now", in front of her eyes, it's not important (the one exception, I think, was that my uncle seemed to be terminally ill in Ireland, and she was aware of that).

I wasn't looking forward to sampling this unleavened saffron cake, and my suspicions were confirmed. It was cooked on the outside but still raw dough on the inside, and it weighed a ton. She did suggest giving it to one of our neighbours, but I told her she couldn't do that as it wasn't cooked. Eventually she threw it in the bin. 

Lesson learned, I suppose; stick to simple recipes like hummimgbird cake and victoria sponges; recipes / cakes where you can throw everything in the bowl and marvel at how it all comes together in the oven. Certainly don't entertain any recipes where any degree of patience is required. 

TTFN.